By Light Unseen
by superwhosaur
Summary: The only time Cas ever emerged was to grab yet another bottle of liquor and back he went to the solitude of the windowless room that felt more like a prison than anything.


The amount of time Castiel spent holed up in his room was enough to worry the Winchesters. The only time he ever emerged was to grab yet another bottle of liquor and back he went. Back to the solitude of the windowless room that felt more like a prison than anything. Dean, fed up of the weeks of letting Cas submerge himself in alcohol and self-loathing, marched down the hall to the silent room. He leaned on the closed door, pressing his head against the coolness of the wood and sighed. "Cas? I know you don't want to talk but I just needed to say that–" He growled low, suddenly pushing himself off the door. "This is fucking stupid. I'm coming in." The doorknob creaked softly which seemed to be amplified ten fold by the silence of the room. He peered in, squinting, trying to adjust his eyes to the endless black that seemed to swallow everything whole. How could he do this to himself? Dean couldn't stand by and watch him slowly kill himself anymore, he had to do something. And even then, he wasn't sure if he would break through to him. A gravelly voice cut through the dark, notifying Dean of where the ex angel sat. "What do you want, Dean?" He cringed at how Cas said his name, so full of venom. He knew it was the alcohol talking but it still hurt something fierce.

Dean slid down the wall next to Cas, who handed him a half empty bottle of whiskey. Dean accepted the offer and took a swig, gasping at the familiar bitterness and took another. The warmth in his throat felt good, better than he could have imagined. They sat in silence sharing drink for what seemed like forever until Dean felt brave enough to confront Cas, but the drunken figure beat him to it. "What did you want to tell me?" Dean rolled his head over to look at Cas and opened his mouth but couldn't form the words so he shrugged instead. "It's not important." He paused looking down at what he could make out as his hands. "No, it is important. Cas, I know you're depressed as hell, believe me, I've been there more than once. But there's only so much alcohol that will bury your problems before it doesn't even dull the pain anymore." Dean took in a steady breath, glancing up at the ailing man. "I can't, no, I won't sit here and watch you drink yourself to death because you are so much more than this, and to just throw everything away–it's selfish as hell."

Cas took another drink and slumped over bracing himself on his legs. "You have no idea what it feels like to let thousands of your brothers and sisters down. It's my fault they fell, and if that isn't a failure worth suffering slowly for then I don't know what is." He seethed, his voice rising in anger. "I have nothing left to live for, Dean. Nothing!" The words sliced through Dean like a sharp knife, slowly twisting in his heart. "How could you say that?" He said almost voiceless, thick with betrayal. "You still have a family, man. People who love you. How dare you say that you selfish bastard! After everything we've been through. I can't believe this." Dean growled, fuming. He'd never seen a sight more pitiful as Cas staring at him slack jawed. He scoffed, clambering furiously to his feet beyond broken hearted. "Wait, Dean. Don't go." Dean bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut, ready to walk out on the pathetic man. He felt cold, soft fingers wrap around his arm, gently tugging him back. Goosebumps crawl up his arm, sending shivers down his spine. "Please." Cas said choking back tears that already stained his cheeks. Dean knelt in front of the graceless angel, pushing back shaggy hair from his bearded face. He furrowed his brow, whispering, "I can't help you if you're going to push me away." Cas sniffed, nodding with guilt. "You've gotta take care of yourself, man. Because right now, you look worse than Sam."

Dean stood up, holding his hands out to haul the drunk man to his feet. He sized him up the best he could in the dark, trying to steady his swaying body. Cas willingly gave in to him, leaning into his warm body. "I'm so tired, Dean." The tall man with green eyes hushed him and helped him crawl in bed. Dean tucked the blankets around him and pulled away, stopping when Cas clutched his hand. "I don't want to be alone." Cas slurred, weighed down by days of no sleep. Dean sighed. "Fine. But I'm not spooning with you, okay?" He crawled in the tiny bed that was clearly not big enough for two grown men to be sharing. It wasn't something he wanted to get used to, especially since his feet were hanging awkwardly off the edge of the bed. He grumbled at Cas as he pulled his arm over his torso falling asleep, leaving Dean to stare at a wall he couldn't see. Eventually, he gave in to his heavy eyelids, letting the soft snores from Cas lull him to sleep.


End file.
